


Come Back Home

by spellboundnora



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/M, It's not described in detail but it's there he just disassociates during it, Loss of Control, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not Canon Compliant, Rape/Non-con Elements, Songfic, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, begging for forgiveness for being an asshole, everything i write is hurt/comfort, getting drunk to forget your trauma, i guess it's hurt/comfort, jeremy is a sad drunk, michael in the bathroom goes way differently than canon, one night i just got really angsty and i thought what if everything was worse, so i made it that way, squip being an asshole, squip takes over jeremy's body, this could be pre jeremy/michael but who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18447032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellboundnora/pseuds/spellboundnora
Summary: What if Chloe hadn’t poured alcohol into Jeremy’s mouth and disabled his Squip? What if Jake never barged in on the two of them “hanging out” and caused Chloe to pretend to have sex with him loudly to make him jealous? What if they were never interrupted and things played out a little differently?Based on "Come Back Home" by We Are The In Crowd, which I recommend you listen to while reading because I make several references to the lyrics at one point. Shit gets heavy in this one, watch out.





	Come Back Home

Chloe had brought him upstairs and into Jake’s parents’ room. Jeremy wasn’t naive, he knew she was definitely not sober and when she asked him if he wanted to hang with her, she probably meant a lot more. But the Squip told him to go along with it, so he did. She started to make moves on him, and he tried to come across as not interested, even attempting to leave, but found that the Squip had temporarily paralyzed him from the waist down. It whispered inside his head that it was for his own good. He did finally manage to get her to slow down and the two of them ended up just talking. When she confessed to him that she was jealous of Brooke, he was shocked. He figured Chloe could have pretty much anyone she wanted by just saying so, why would she be jealous of her friend’s way of acting innocent to get boys?

“You’re like the hottest girl in school!”

He hadn’t meant to say that, it just slipped out. But Chloe’s drunk, lust-filled eyes locked onto him.

“Do you wanna stop being coy?”

She murmured it seductively in his ear, and Jeremy felt several conflicting emotions at once. For one, she was absolutely gorgeous, he couldn’t deny that. He was surprised that she was even interested in him. At the same time, he felt guilty for abandoning Brooke like this, to go off and have sex with her best friend. And honestly, this wasn’t where he wanted to lose his virginity. At a party, with a girl he barely knew who would drop him after the deed was done, probably doing it just to break her friend’s heart. Yes, he was still a virgin as a junior. He just hadn’t had much luck with this kind of thing before. Part of him wanted to get on with it, get laid, have a good time, be cool about the whole thing. This was the part the Squip was influencing. He could tell that the Squip was planting the thought of it not even being a big deal into his head. But in his true thoughts, he felt uncomfortable, and even a little scared. This wasn’t what he wanted. But he couldn’t do anything if his legs were still paralyzed. He tried to move one, in vain, learning that the Squip still had control over that part of him and wasn’t giving it up. 

She was on top of him now, her hands on either side of him holding her just a few inches above his body. Staring down at him with pure lust in her eyes, she spoke and her words slurred slightly, a side effect from the baby bottle half full of alcohol she’d been carrying around with her all night.

“Come on, boy, let’s do this. Don’t worry about Brooke, she and Jake are probably fucking right now, I just know it. Don’t you want a taste of this?”

Jeremy tried to speak, tried to say no, to deescalate the situation, but the Squip took over for him again. And then, it was as if he was watching a movie about himself, experiencing it all in third person. He spoke, but not by his own volition.

“Hell yeah, who cares about Brooke?”

He tried to scream, tried to reason with the Squip, but it was determined that this was the best course of action. It was then he realized how much he’d fucked up by getting the Squip in the first place. He had no way of turning it off, no way of overriding it when it took over. Hell, he didn’t even know it could take over until tonight.

The scene played out below him as he disassociated. It felt like he was watching it all from a few feet away, but he could still feel what was happening to some extent. He watched as Chloe took over and he, or, his Squip controlled self, responded. He wanted so badly not to be watching it happen, to be somewhere else in the moment. He wished he’d skipped the party. He wished he’d never gotten the Squip. He wished he was at home, watching youtube until three am, or smoking weed in Michael’s basement with him. He tried to focus on that, Jeremy 1.0, the version of himself the Squip wanted to erase. The two of them hanging out, playing Apocalypse of the Damned on Michael’s Xbox, buzzed but not high enough to impair their gaming skills. Or stoned as hell, failing at Pac-Man on the old-school arcade console Michael had scored at a garage sale three years ago, over and over again, laughing their asses off. But here he was, having sacrificed his best friend, his only friend, for a machine that didn’t listen to him, took over and made him do things he didn’t want to do. He returned back to reality, or as close as he could get from his third person place in all of this, his thoughts not having staved off the scene for long. If he tried to focus on it, it almost felt good. But mostly it just felt dirty and uncomfortable, and he felt guilty to Brooke for cheating on her. It didn’t help that it wasn’t his choice, because at the end of the day, it was still him, and he couldn’t exactly tell Brooke that the supercomputer in his brain had taken over and made him do it.

An abrupt, bright flash temporarily blinded him, and when he could see again, he was back in his body. Everything returned at once, the dulled senses coming back incredibly sharply. He could hear the music downstairs pumping through the floorboards, the sounds of people shouting in the distance. He felt Chloe sigh and get up off him, and barely registered her words as she started to speak.

“That wasn’t bad for someone who laid there like a dead fish for most of the fucking time, I guess.”

He felt gross. Sticky and disgusting. He didn’t say anything. He realized he was completely naked, which he then felt stupid about realizing, because it was pretty much a given with sex, he was just too out of it. He didn’t say anything back to Chloe. He sat up and looked around for his clothes, realizing his legs worked again. The Squip must have given up control. It was oddly silent, not really giving him commands besides to find his clothes. He glanced around the room and caught sight of various articles of his clothing scattered around. Chloe was already dressed. 

“Well, I guess I’m gonna go enjoy the rest of the party then.”

She walked out casually, like it was just a normal night, shutting the door behind her. Slowly, he got up and put his clothes on. If he tried really hard, maybe he could pretend it never happened. If he thought about it at all, he felt like he was about to cry. So he decided his best course of action was to get absolutely fucking plastered and try to forget about what had just happened for a little bit. His Squip whispered that it was a bad idea, that he should stay sober, but he ignored it as he left the room and headed down the stairs.

He approached the first person he saw with a drink in their hand, a senior boy he didn’t know.

“What’s the strongest shit here and where can I find it?”

His voice had an edge to it, but the boy didn’t seem to notice, his jovial drunkenness preventing him from caring too much.

“Hell yeah dude, you wanna get hammered? It’s in the kitchen, somebody got some fucking vodka and some boxes of apple juice and people are getting lit as fuck! Here, let me show ya!”

The boy stumbled his way through the living room and into the kitchen, with Jeremy following along not too far behind. He watched as the boy grabbed a box of apple juice off the counter and stare it for a second, before grabbing a knife from a drawer and stabbing the side of the box, squeezing the liquid into a nearby cup. He then stumbled around until he found a large, clear bottle about a third of the way full, and poured a big splash into the cup, which he then took into his hands and moved it around in a circle, as if trying to stir it without having a utensil, swiveling his hips in rhythm to his hands swirling the liquid around in the cup. A little splashed out onto the floor, to which the boy just exclaimed “Oops!” in a cheerful voice.

“Here you go my man, hope you have a lit-tacular night dude!”

Jeremy took the outstretched cup from the drunk senior’s hands and waved as the boy made his way back into the crowd. He heard the Squip’s voice in his head telling him he shouldn’t do this, that it was a bad idea, dangerous even. He ignored it and took a large swig of the drink. He almost spit it right back out, it tasted terrible, but he forced himself to swallow it. The Squip started to speak but burst out in Japanese in his head. It alternated every few words from Japanese to English, and Jeremy was able to pick up something about being restored to factory settings temporarily. Good, it would be easier to ignore when he couldn’t understand it. He took another sip of his drink, cringing at the taste, but pleased when the Squip spoke fewer English words. He took another, and then another, and it was completely Japanese. He drained the rest of the cup. He set it back down on the counter and sank to the floor. He felt bad in a way he couldn’t describe. Like he would be this sad forever. He needed to get to a bathroom, needed to cry for the rest of forever. He couldn’t believe he’d thought this would help. The other boy seemed so happy. Why wasn’t he happy? He stumbled to his feet, already feeling the effects. He wasn’t completely hammered, but he was at least a little drunk. He saw a door nearby. That… might be a bathroom. Or maybe a coat closet. He would take either one. He just needed to cry a bunch. He made his way over to the door and knocked.

“I’ll be out in a second!”

A frantic voice shouted from inside and Jeremy heard the sink turn on. Wait. He knew that voice. He knew that voice better than any voice. Was that…

“Michael?”

He heard the voice mumble “shit” under his breath. It was definitely Michael.

The door swung open to reveal his best friend. Or, well, his former best friend.

“Michael I’m so fucking sorry. I’m such a dick you were right none of this matters and it was all a stupid waste of time.”

He blurted out the words quickly, afraid he was going to get the door slammed shut in his face.

Michael stared at him in half shock, half disdain.

“I should’ve known you’d be a sad drunk. How the fuck do I know if you actually mean any of this? You’re probably not even going to remember saying it in the morning. Go hang out with your cool friends or whatever.”

With that, Jeremy felt it all burst out and he started to cry.

“Please, I know I’m a shitty person, and I did shitty stuff to you, but please don’t leave me alone right now. I’m sorry I picked popularity over you. I’m sorry I listened to the stupid fucking thing in my head THAT WON’T STOP YELLING AT ME IN JAPANESE and blocked you out. I know sorry doesn’t mean anything, but please let me make it up to you. Let things go back to the way they were.”

Michael looked a little concerned but kept up his front.

“What, did your brand new friends stop caring about you? Did they leave you in the fucking dark because you’re not a part of their in crowd? Oh, I wonder what it’s like to feel like that. You can’t come running back to me like I’m your fucking second-best option. Things’ll never be the way they were before. Guess you can’t count on anything. I’ll be f-fucking fine without you, you p-piece of shit! And I-I won’t mi-miss you!”

Michael was trying desperately not to start sobbing, being barely able to hold back tears, while they flowed freely down Jeremy’s face.

“You still stutter when you lie. I know you better than that.”

“I don’t even think I know you anymore. The Jeremy I know wouldn’t care about being cool, wouldn’t alienate his best friend to go get laid, or whatever you put as your objective for your stupid fucking machine. I did research on that, by the way. Some kid ended up in a mental hospital because he drove himself crazy trying to get it the fuck out!”

“Oh god, Michael, please, help me get this out of my head. Michael, it took control over me. I couldn’t move. It spoke for me. Michael, I’m so scared.”

With that, Michael let his anger drop. He pulled Jeremy into the bathroom and shut the door. Jeremy slid down the wall and put his head in his knees, sobbing and his best friend sat beside him.

“What happened? I’m still pissed at you, but I think you know what you mean to me, so I have to look out for you a little.”

“I went upstairs, with Chloe, and she was drunk, and I couldn’t move, and she wouldn’t stop, and it told her I wanted to, and I watched it happen, and I’m so disgusting, I cheated on Brooke, she’s gonna find out, I feel terrible.”

“Jeremy.”

Michael whispered the word to him, and it felt so different from when the Squip whispered in his head, or Chloe whispered sultrily from on top of him. He was so comforting, so close, and Jeremy sobbed at the thought that he’d given all of him up for popularity.

“Can I touch you, or will that make you uncomfortable?”

“It’s okay.”

Jeremy mumbled the words, barely discernible with his face still buried in his knees. He felt the warm and familiar touch of Michael’s arm around him, pulling him close.

“None of this was your fault. There’s nothing you could’ve done. You didn’t cheat on Brooke. The closest thing to this is that you were raped, but it wasn’t really Chloe’s fault either. She thought it was you giving consent, but it was that stupid. Fucking. Robot. I’m gonna find a way to disable that thing for good, so help me god. I vow to fuck this thing up with all the power in me. You’re not disgusting, you’re… god, you’re wonderful. Yeah, you can be a dick sometimes, but you’re absolutely fucking awesome, and you can make it through this.”

Jeremy finally lifted his head up to look at Michael, gratitude swimming in his reddened eyes with tears still spilling out of them.

“How the fuck was I ever stupid enough to give you up?”

If he wasn’t drunk, he could swear Michael was blushing at that.

“Yeah, I’m pretty great.”

That got a small giggle out of both of them. 

“Hug?”

Jeremy didn’t know where that had come from, but something in him, something that was actually him, told him it was what he needed. Michael stretched out his arms and Jeremy all but climbed into his lap.

“Hug.”

It felt perfect like that, just the two of them, that close. Jeremy thought his head fit perfectly on Michael’s shoulder, like a lost puzzle piece finally slotted into place.

“Well, I think we should ditch this place. Go smoke some pot, play some video games, try to put ourselves back together, figure out if it’s possible to punch the robot out of your brain. I think it’s time you come back home.”

“I think you’re definitely right.”


End file.
